Glad to be here!

Last Sunday I went to Jordan Valley ER due to weakness and pain in my legs. I was admitted to med/surg while the docs tried to diagnose me. They already believed it to be guillain barre syndrome but wanted a test to confirm the diagnosis. One symptom of this is short term memory, which I experienced. I know from Kevin and my mom that I had several MRI's, CT scans and X-rays. I also know that when I returned from having a procedure my O2 sats dropped in the 70's and would not return even with 15 liters of O2. I was then transferred to ICU. Dr. Wallace came to see me in the morning and I remember him saying that he did not expect to see me awake or even without intubation. He let me know that he was afraid that I was not going to make it after the phone calls he got the night before. That scared me. I am truly so blessed to be here. I do not remember so many things and that really upsets me. I do not remember most of my visitors and all the kind people that took care of my family. I cannot recall so many things, but at this time I want everyone to know that I am so thankful for all your service to me and my family. I know that it made it a lot easier on Kevin. So many of you made meals, watched my kids, and came to see me. I love you all and know that because of your help and prayers I am home today!

I want so badly to tell my mom that I am so blessed to have her. She took care of all the kids and made it so Kevin and I had no worries. I am also thankful for facebook a wonderful site that made it easy for my mom to get in touch with so many of our friends. She is the most wonderful woman. Many of you know how thoughtful she is. She always is thinking of others and she is a true example to me. My mom is struggling with her own health and she still came everyday to help me and stay with me. I love you so much Mom.

Brittnie was also there everyday. She stayed by my side. Something that even I would have not enjoyed in the hospital. It is strange how such an awful thing can bring you closer to your family. It made me so thankful to have her, even when she yelled at a Doctor for me, lol. I know she loves me and I am hoping she knows that I know how blessed I am to have her.

I have the best family. Branson came to see me and stayed late even though I know that he had school and homework. Then when I got home he brought me my favorite, La Luna. All my kids were jealous, hahaha. They all wanted it for themselves, luckily I shared with them today. I also have to thank Cami for being my nurse even though she thought it was one of the hardest and best things she has done. She also came to see me, I am not sure when, yet I know she came and then she got the flu and is still sick. I love you Cam! Alisha came to see me twice and she brought some turkeys from a bakery her mom works at for the kids. Here is how bad my memory is....I thought they were rats or mice, lol. At least I can remember they were good! Thanks for coming up Alisha! There are so many others who came and I love all of you!

Since I have been home I have noticed something that I am sad that I did not realize in the hospital. The toll that all this has taken on Kevin. His eyes are tired and bloodshot, every moment he gets he takes a short nap anywhere he can. Anytime I make a noise he comes to me asking what he can do. He is a rock. He was there everyday and even got permission from his work to do his light duty and take calls from my hospital room just so he could be with me everyday. I love him, I am so in love with him, and I know he loves me. He did all the research on Guillain Barre syndrome and knew inside and out the symptoms and the treatment. When I would feel a certain way he would say, "that is part of the syndrome stace." He also was in close contact with the doctors hoping that instead of them trying to diagnose me they would treat me. He is still upset that they did not do anything for me except for give me one of the best pain killers in the world, Dilaudid. I am so glad that it was able to help me with my pain, now that I am home nothing compares, so I just have to buck up! I love you Kevin Troy Fuller! You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am so thankful for you and the fun and laughter you bring into my life even when the happiness in life is hard to find!

Last but not least this week was the hardest week due to the fact that the hospital recently changes their policy in allowing children to come in. They have to be 12 and older due to the H1N1. I was admitted on Sunday and on Monday my mom and Kevin snuck around the policy and had my kids come to the lobby and I got to see them, unfortunately I do not remember this at all! I was reminded of it several times, but have no recollection. There were so many times I cried because I missed the kids and wanted so bad to have the chaos of my life and kids back. I cried when I was alone and knew that they were going to bed. I cried because I was sure that Ka'Lya would forget me. I cried because I was sad that my kids were not able to be comforted by the normal routine of their life. I cried because it felt good to cry and I cried because I was weak.

I am home now and the normal chaos of life is exhausting. I love that my Kya still knows me and reaches for me and lays her head on my shoulder. I love that she is sweet and her smile lights up our home. I love that the day I came home Ipo and I fell asleep holding hands. I love that same night Aja and Ipo slept at the foot of our bed because they missed me. I love that I have the best kids and that everyone that watched them made sure to tell my mom and Kev that. I love that Keo gave me a note today that said "I mist you and I wil luve you For ever and I wil never forgit that I luve you I wil olwes be with you." It made me cry. I love that Kee put my socks on my cold feet because I was too weak to myself. I love my family and know that they all will get me through the darkness of this illness and that my Heavenly Father loves me and heard the prayers of many to help me recover faster.